Sunday, June 27, 2010

Domo - Turd with teeth preps to take over (Domo-nate) the world.

What is this strange chocolate? What is this mysterious creature that the Japanese claim was hatched from an egg? Domo ( Dōmo-kun?) is the official mascot of Japan's NHK television station.

Fans say (assuming it is a he) "his monster like features conceal a gentle soul with a body of pure fluff." I say apon closer inspection, this turd like creature features teeth sharp enough to render the manliest of men in child birthing pain, and a gaze that would make Chuck Norris nervous.

Much like 30% of Americas population, Domo's like Japanese-style meat and potato stew, have a strong dislike for apples, can only communicate by producing a low-pitched noise and are known to pass gas repeatedly when nervous or upset.

The Domo has taken much of the world by surprise and is the next biggest thing to come out of the east since Hello Shitty....err Kitty. Young teens have taken wildly to the Domo-revolution and it seems like this is just the beginning considering US networks have recently committed to 26 short episodes on various channels.

Originally I had decided to head out in downtown Toronto and look for any Domo fans to get some feedback. A coworker reminded me, however, with the current state of the G20 summit and crazed protestors...that maybe an arsenal of religion-free holy water may not be enough to protect me.. so I decided against it.

This will have to be revisited at a later date. I will however leave you with some Googled forum posts from fan boards. Skeptical? Google the Domo and read for yourself?

"Domo-Kun (Domo Sapiens) is a Grue and is the ruler of his home country, Japan, ..... He kills kittens every time you masturbate,.....that Domo-Kun is another evil plan of disney's.... Domo will destroy China."

"DOMO KUN ROCKS. I agree, some day he will take over the world. ALL BOW TO DOMO KUN!!!!!!!!"

"It's not THE's just DOMO! There is no 'THE' you stupid inbred fock! Have some god damn respect when even thinking about Domo. Pieces of shit like you are what ruin our god damn world. Domo is god, so refer to him as so. I don't call you 'THE' Steven.. I just call you the stupid god damn inbred fock Steven.."

"You just don't understand.....If I had one wish before I died it would be to make love to Domo.....he is the essence of jesus.',190632,page=4

Hail Domo!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Self-described Jedi alleges discrimination

Chris Jarvis of Southend, England, says wearing his hood up is his religious right. The subscriber to the Jedi Faith - from the Star Wars fictional universe - was asked to remove his hood in a Southend Jobcentre recently, reports the U.K.'s Daily Mail.  But instead of using the Force to convince staff they didn't really want him to comply with the dress code, Jarvis alleged he was being discriminated against.  "I am a Star Wars follower. It means following the way of the Jedi," Jarvis told the Daily Mail. "The main reason is I want to wear my hood up and I have got a religion which allows me to do that. Someone with their own religious views is allowed to wear what their religion says - the Sikhs are able to carry a great big dagger. My religion allows me to wear my hood." The father of three wrote Jobcentre Plus to complain of the incident. They sent him back an apology letter...
"We as an organization have a duty of care to both customers and staff, therefore for security reasons we ask customers to remove their hoods. I have spoken to member staff and it was not their intention to offend your beliefs," the letter says. Despite the apology, Jarvis intends to sue, the Daily Mail reports.
In a 2001 census, about 30,000 people in the U.K. listed Jedi as their religion, making it the fourth most popular belief system in the country.  In the 2001 Canadian census, 20,000 people identified as followers of the Jedi faith.   Other English-speaking countries saw similar numbers. A widespread Internet campaign helped spark the Jedi census phenomenon.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Up yours ROGERS for ruining my HTC device with your bullshit update!

Rogers Wireless went and did it. They forced all HTC Dream/Magic users to go through a mandatory update for the E911 bug. Note: Users had reported this issue to Rogers in September 2009, but despite the severity of the issue a fix did not come around until January of 2010.

If you have been keeping up, or if you own either of those two devices (I own the HTC Magic) you will know what I am talking about. Once a fix was finally available it was forced onto the users by cutting off their 3G internet connection (WTF? Rogers Wireless, you bitch! What about breach of contract? What the hell does GPS or 911 calls have to do with 3G internet? And if the 3G connection is a part of the bug, why was it not disabled immediately after finding the bug?).

Consider the following.

Android is an Open Source OS. This issue was resolved by developers in version 1.6. As of writing this, Android's latest release is v 2.0. Rogers, on the other hand, still runs version 1.5 on their devices.

You'd think the most reasonable way to proceed would be for Rogers to issue an OTA upgrade to all it's users and update them to 1.6, not only to fix the bug, but to reap the benefits of the updated build.

Again, considering Android is open source many, if not most, users had already upgraded to 'customized' versions of the OS running builds 1.6+.

Rogers decided to force everyone, regardless if you had an updated version of Android running on your device or not, to update. If you chose not to update, Rogers cut off your Data until you did so citing they "had the power to do so".

Rogers, thank you for ruining everyone's HTC device with a late upgrade. Considering again the GPS issue was resolved as of v1.6 roughly 6 months earlier, you forced (or else lose your 3G data) everyone running newer builds to reflash back to a build with a perfected SPL taking ROOT away from all of us (basically locking the phone and taking away all its open sourcedness glory). What the hell is the point of an open source OS on our phones if we can't do anything with them!?! I hate you, but not as bad as I hate Bell.

nyways, if you hate this move as much as I do, join the Facebook Group Up yours Rogers for ruining my HTC device with your bullshit update!

I can't even cancel my plan in retaliation without Rogers
bending me over.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Good News: The busted doomsday machine that can destroy the world is finally working again.

Check this out, from the Museum of supernatural history..

An interesting theory has been revealed which may point to the reasons so much is going wrong with the Large Hadron Collider, and it revolves around time travel. As if we haven’t been losing enough sleep worrying about civilization’s apparent imminent demise as a result of the end of the Mayan Long Count Calendar on December 21st, 2012 - the looming potential for the world to be destroyed by a man-made black hole accidentally created by CERN’s Large Hadron Collider has been inspiring its own amount of tossing-and-turning.
Well, The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in Geneva has been back online for a while now. The LHC of course gained its infamy in September of 2008 when critics of the $6 billion particle accelerator theorized that the device could possibly create a mini-black hole that could expand into Earth-eating proportions. Naturally, the level-headed scientists of the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) which operated the LCH published a safety report ruling out the possibility of such a cataclysmic event occurring. Of course, the doomsday device then proceeded to overheat and break down just a few days later. This time, however, the experts have re-reassured the planet’s population that everything will be OK. If you are interested in this sort of stuff, you can read more here

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dell Tech Peeps Through Woman's PC via Webcam

Last week, a Texas NBC affiliate reported that a Dell technician remotely turned on a woman's webcam via the Internet without her permission. The woman, Dianna Annunziato of North Richland Hills, originally called Dell Computer's customer support line after 9:30 pm because her new PC was having issues and was still under warranty. However, the online service call came to an abrupt halt.

"First, the technician started asking me what time of day it was," she told the Dallas-Forth Worth NBC affiliate. She then said that the technician activated the webcam a moment later—she could see herself peering back from a little box on the LCD monitor. She added that the technician did not ask for permission before activating the device.

Infuriated, Annunziato asked for a supervisor. Rather than receiving a sympathetic apology, she instead received laughter after explaining that she could have been sitting in her seat undressed when the device was activated. Shocked by the reaction, she decided to take matters to a higher level.

"We apologize for the issue and appreciate the customer bringing this matter to our attention," the company said in a statement. "An investigation is currently under way, and the company will administer appropriate action when complete."

s of currently, the NBC report is a bit sketchy on details. Did Annuziato accidentally hit a webcam/media button on her laptop? How was Dell able to access her computer through when she called by phone? Did her Dell come with remote access software designed for Dell technicians already in place? Why didn't Annunziato ask the tech what was going on? She didn't seem to mention if she even asked "did you just turn on my webcam?"

While Dell does offer remote access tech support, this could be a case of someone with an aim to extort some form of payment out of Dell.

And here is a random, totally not related pic...

Friday, January 22, 2010

TTC collector falls asleep on the job - biggest news since Haiti

I find it hard to believe that something like this is even considered news worthy in Toronto. Seriously, when there are literally hundreds of more pressing issues currently at hand a story like this gets front page?!? From what I heard on the news this morning... the TTC collector was working either a late night shift or an overnight shift and fell asleep. Next, TTC authorities want to start an inquiry. Sounds great. Let's waste some more of our money and jack up (not even hiked, you jacked) our fares again to pay for this inquiry. Seriously, what is there to inquire? The guy fell asleep.
I then read the guy who took the picture, Wieler says, "I didn't post to get anyone in trouble, but to highlight TTC problems." Yea, I am so sure we all believe you. Did anyone actually check to see if the guy was even alive?

Anyways, speaking from experience, night shifts blow the big one. At times, sleep becomes so overpowering that it is almost impossible to keep yourself awake unless you get up and go for a walk (which obviously this old guy can't do) or engage in some sort of physical activity. Let's examine his work environment. The guy... sits alone... in a plexi-glass-enclosed room... for a 12 hour night shift. It doesn't take a chemist to work out this equation.

Everyone who is making this into a huge deal including the TORONTO STAR/SUN, you seriously need to grow the f*** up. I know when I pay for my paper…I pay for real news, not a joke like this.

As for the TTC... first you complain you don't have the funds to properly 'operate' your operation, so then you jack up our rates... yet again. Then you take away our free metro pass parking (by the way, how dare you take away my free metro pass parking?!), followed by a further thorough jacking of our rates. Finally, this picture 'jacks' the interweb/twitter/facebook like a virus on crack…and you seriously expect us to continue and support you guys?

What is wrong with this city?

The word of the day is 'jack', as in "You jacked my metropass parking!"

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I hate you BELL CANADA....with a deep burning fiery passion!

Today I realized how much I absolutely despise Bell Canada as a corporation. If you are a Bell employee and are reading this...I don't hate you per say...but I loath you as an organization. What I don't understand is how a simple call to replace a faulty remote control (which shouldn't take more than 15 minutes... TOPS) can take over 45 minutes of my time. What I don't understand is why in Odin's name do you really feel the need to try and troubleshoot a frickin' remote control!!

I called in and was hoping for a painless telephone transaction. I was hoping to simply tell you that my remote control is no longer working, and yes I did replace the batteries. In return I expected you to ship me out a new remote...and I ship you my old one. Simple, right? Absolutely WRONG!! What I get in return is transferred over from level 1 tech 2nd level tech support. Seriously?? Level 2 Tech support...for a remote control?! WTF....are you kidding me Bell?? Is that what you are doing with the $140 that you milk out of me every month? When I call tech support, it is only when absolutely necessary as I loathe dealing with (what in my opinion I consider the worst tech support available from any company today) your support personnel. I don't need someone across the globe asking me how the weather is. I want you to fix my problem as quickly and as painlessly as possible considering I am paying out the ass for your lack luster services.

So you want to trouble shoot my remote. Fine!! What would you like me to do?

ell: "Sir, can you try and replace the batteries"
Me: "I have already done that"
Bell: "Ok Sir, thank you for that. Just give me one moment. "
Me: "Can you guys send me a new one? It was working fine this morning and just stopped"
Bell: "Yes sir, I understand that sir but I need to follow the procedure I have to help you resolve the issue promptly. "
Me: "I point and doesn't work."
Bell: "Yes sir, thank you sir. Let us try and reprogram the remote. Can you please press and hold the TV button until all the lights flash red on the remote?"
Me: "Uh... there are no red lights. It just doesn't work."
Bell: "Ok sir, thank you very much for your time sir. Could you try and replace the batteries sir?"
Me: "I already did replace them before I called you. "
Bell: "Ok thank you sir. Just hold with me one moment sir. Ok Sir thank you for your patience. Can we try and reset the remote, can you please hold the pound and off button at the same time until the red lights flash?"
Me: "I already mentioned… there are no lights... the remote is just dead"
Bell: "Thank you for that sir. Unfortunately before I can send you a replacement remote I have to transfer you to my higher level sir and I am sure they can help you. Is there anything else I can help you with before I transfer you?"
Me: "You have to transfer me to someone else? You can't just issue a new remote to my address?"
Bell: "Thank you for that Sir. I will transfer you and they will assist you. Thank you for choosing Bell."
Me: "Uh what?"

After 10 more minutes of annoying hold music

Bell: "Hello Sir, thank you for choosing Bell. Can I have your telephone number starting with your area code"

Me: "But I gave all that info to the tech I was speaking with earlier. Why do you need it again?"
Bell: " Thank you for that sir, but I need it to verify you are on the account sir."
Me: "Can you stop saying that?' (I give the info required)
Bell: "Thank you for that sir, can you try and replace the battery sir.."


Round and round we go and still no new remote. In the end I get a refurbished one that I can't even program to my TV. Now I am stuck with a remote for the satellite receiver and a separate remote for the TV. While I am ranting about how terrible Bell is, I should mention another fact. How is it that I am on a 2 year term with you yet my monthly bill is different EVERY MONTH!? Explain that to me Bell. I'm tired of calling in every month to plead & argue with your billing department and have them remove the fees and adjust the prices to what I originally signed up for. And what's worse, when I called to cancel all my services you threw an insanely huge early termination fee! Bell, you may have me by the balls now but we will see who has who when my term is up. For now, I won't go down quietly.

Friday, October 2, 2009

How to: Religion Free Holy Water (RFHW)

I've been asked where I get the RFHW that I take with me on my investigations. Answer: I actually make it myself. And now you can too with my tutorial. Read on peeps.

"For thousands of years, in virtually every religion, water has been used to wash away the sins of Jews, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, and even members of the Occult." Now you can cleanse and protect yourself, even while extinguishing your thirst, with RFHW. Follow my instructions below and you can have your very own RFHW.

Preface: RFHW is 100% pure natural tap water, that tastes great (depending on where you live) and does not have to be blessed by a Monk, a Catholic Priest, or a Holy Shaman. The lack of blessing does not take away from the taste. RFHW has many uses but is notably known for banishing (temporarily) lower level specters and demonic forces, its use in exorcisms' and its healing attributes. The process of creating RFHW is quite different from the work involved in creating a batch of church grade Holy Water. The steps involved in creating RFHW are loosely based on old wiccan technique.

Materials needed:
1 small bowl of tap water
1 clean glass container
1 storage bottle (small)
6 oreo cookies

Preparation: Make sure you thoroughly cleanse and sterilize the bowl, glass container and all other equipment you will be using. You can get by with water but flame and rubbing alcohol is the preferred method to cleanse. Insure that you have total privacy during preparation. You don't want to be disturbed and will require total concentration when preparing your solution.

Time: Midnight during a full moon phase preferred but not absolutely necessary.

Location: Outdoors under the moon, or indoors near a window that will reflect the light of the moon. If no moon is present, at least make sure you have a lamp on, otherwise how are you going to work in the dark??

Procedure: Place all ingredients out in front of you. Take a few deep breaths to relieve the stress of the day. You may now begin.

1) Cast your magick circle. Hold your arms outstretched in the Goddess position (arms out at the sides like you are cradling the Universe, palms up.) and recite the following:

In the cloak of the midnight hour
I call upon the Ancient Power
I seek the presence of Lady & Lord
To bless this water that I will pour.
J'ah Bless.

2) At this point, you should feel the energy of the Earth Mother and Sky Father move about your feet and head. Feel your own energy expand around your belly button and then unite with Divinity. Take your time; no need to rush.

3) Add the tap water to the clean glass bowl. Pick up the bowl of water, hold it toward the light, and recite the following:

"Almighty, everlasting "Insert all powerful and divine name of choice here…I use 'Odin'" , I humbly appeal to your mercy and goodness to bless this creature, water, that you have given for humankind’s use. May all who use it find in it a remedy for body and mind. And may everything that it touches be freed from uncleanness and any influence of evil through your holy name, Amen.”

4) At this point you should be able to feel the energy of J'ah pulsate down into the water. Imagine silver light descending from the heavens and impregnating both the water and yourself. You will feel a "glowy" sensation.

5) Set the water down and pick up an oreo cookie. Feel the power moving in your arms as you raise the cookie toward your mouth. Don't be fooled, this is just anxiety, not a divine power, you are feeling as you look forward to ingesting that tasty cookie.

6) At this point, the seemingly regular tap water you have in the bowl is now 50% RFHW. Take the bowl of water and pour it into the bottle you sterilized earlier. Seal the bottle, set it down and spin it clockwise three times.

7) With the bottle in your left hand and a 2nd oreo cookie in your right, reflect the nearby light on to the bottle. After a few moments recite:

"This liquid is now pure and dedicated to Odin (or name used in previous incantation). It is free from all negativity in any time and any space."

) Set the bottle down and eat the 2nd cookie you held in your right hand. Eat the remaining cookies as you celebrate as now you have 100% RFHW.

Conclusion: At this point you should have quite a bit of positive energy coursing through your body. Let the vibrations of your body come alive. Open your third eye chakra and imagine a glowing purple light emanating from it. In your mind, see the water change color and glow. Feel the power and energy flow from your head down through your arms and up from your feet and out from your arms simultaneously. Feel the burn. The formula is done!

You may now want to ground your energy in two ways. Either place your hands physically upon the ground and feel the energy drain into Earth Mother, or imagine your energy as a force field around you, and quietly step back out of the skeleton of energy and watch it collapse in upon itself and melt into the ground.  Make sure you store away the RFHW until you are ready to use it. Be sure to clean up after yourself by putting all things away in their designated places so that you will be able to find them again next when they're needed.

And if this process is too lengthy for you, you can always buy some here and get your drink on!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Super Apple sauce!

What do you get when you cram 72 apples in to an apparatus that harnesses the powers of heat and water to literally liquefy the fruit?? Super Apple Sauce!!

Packed with 72 times more magnesium, copper, calcium, iron, potassium and phosphorus. Saturated with 72 times more Vitamin A, Vitamin K, Thiamin, Riboflavin, and Vitamin B6!! And coupled with the chemical properties of the infusion process ...resulting in an effective 72% increase in it's organic properties, which translates into an actual 213% more nutrient value to the human body!! That is some super apples!!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The true origins of Halloween.

I know it’s still early but I need to get this out there before that night arrives. Halloween time is notorious for strange and weird activity and I need to be prepared to devote my full attention to these matters. There is just a little over a month to go before Satan’s birthday …err… Halloween arrives. Every child looks forward to October 31st each year. It’s the one time of the year when both little boys and girls get a chance to throw on their costumes and have them on all night long. You’ll see little vampires, fairies, cheeky werewolves, etc. etc. all bidding for the greatest haul of chocolates, sweets and candies. Interesting indeed.

However, what many of the unsuspecting citizens don’t know is… Halloween has a much deeper, and in many ways, darker history that has given birth to one of the most celebrated evil holidays in the world. The true history of Halloween is the type of history that your parents don’t tell you.

While it would seem to be a holiday that promoted a form of lunacy, it had a much deeper and serious meaning. Think of it this way. If Christmas is “reported” to be Jesus’ birthday then who do you think was born on Halloween? The original celebrations of Halloween were very special days and seemed to have a very mystical and magical quality about them. In fact, it was this quality that was used by evil druidic priests of the Celts to their best advantage. These were the days in which to contact demons, ghouls and the spirits of the ancestors on the 'other side' of the veil between the worlds.

Looking through some of my ancient texts, it is noted Halloween’s origins go all the way back to ancient times with the Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced SOW-ain). This was actually the Celts version of anti-Christmas celebrations honouring the end of summer and harvest time and marking the beginning period of the cold of winter, darkness, and death… by means of sacrifice and spirit worship…lots and lots of spirit worship. The Celts were an evil bunch as portrayed by many recent full feature films (Braveheart & Highlander come to mind). They believed that this end of the year period marked the time in which the barrier between the living and the dead became thin. In reality, among other true meanings , October 31st marks the time when the spirits would come back from the dead and create havoc by damaging the crops with frost and causing a multitude of other troubles.

This leads me to another important fact. You might wonder why people dress up on Halloween. This is another a tradition that started in early England where citizens, knowing that Halloween was a time for the spirits of their ancestors to come back to haunt and eat them, would dress up in masks and costumes to keep the spirits from recognizing them. The idea was if you dress up like a monster, the real monsters wouldn’t be able to tell you were really just a… “bag of meat”… if you will.

The fact of the matter is the holiday that we know as Halloween today bares little resemblance to its origins. First, to give an understanding to the reader of these old "pagan" holidays, one must understand the meaning of some of the old language and culture of the times. For one, the term 'pagan' in Christian mythology , roughly translates to "devil worshipper”. It was not until Christianity came to the Isles that the Christian devil ever became associated with Halloween. There was no concept of a devil or Satan in the Earth-based religions, even though there were many evil aspects associated with Samhain, or as it is now called, Halloween. This seems to be the only good thing that has ever come out of religion. With Satan fully identified as the “Santa” of Halloween, Christian leaders sought a means to end this worship while at the same time fearing the retributions from the “other side”.

That is where the Roman church came into play. Like all good churches the Roman church spoiled the fun and soon enacted a holiday to detour the worship of demons, the dead and Satan and so proclaimed November 1st as All Saint’s Day to honour the saints and martyrs of the church. This day was also known as All Hallows Eve. Over time and generations past, Halloween and All Hallows Eve were intertwined and most basic and main concepts of each were forgotten. However, it is still true to this day that there remain others out there that celebrate Halloween for what it truly is.