Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Internet has spoken!

Some fan mail from my loyal follower(s)...

"Don't forget the graveyard on Salem Rd. just south of Hwy #7. It was rumoured to be haunted since before I was in high school. Hell, all the kids in Ajax/Whitby/Shwa still believe it is haunted. As such, a lot of teens go there to drink, smoke dope and taunt the evil, and some of the girls wake up missing their clothing. Strange."

Coincidence really as I drove past that graveyard this past Thursday…albeit was a lot less spookier in the day. If I learned one thing from season 2 of Supernatural, it is….when going to a graveyard…go during the day if you want to avoid it's residents. Definitely strange.

"Oh yeah, the Mount Zion schoolhouse further north on Salem north of 9th Concession. Supposedly haunted by little kids, demons, demonic kids or some other form of ghastly horror. Check it out at midnight. Alone. At midnight on Halloween. Don't forget an offering for the Dark Gods, and beware the old guy with the lantern. He lurks."

Schoolhouses are one of the more difficult places to purify due to the vast history one may contain. When you have hundreds of kids attending the school over the years it becomes very hard to pinpoint the source of the alleged haunting. Can you imagine how much religion free holy water would be required to cleanse a schoolhouse? Luckily I got a tip from a reader. Flame purifies EVERYTHING.

"There is a Shwambie infestation in Oshawa. I think you may need to get to the bottom of that. Reports seem to indicate they were first sighted amongst the south shwa crackhouses and Crack Time Donuts on King. However, the plague is everywhere now. It must be a sign of the impending Apocalypse."

This one is difficult to assess online. At first glance, Shwambies may seem like a problem that has to be dealt with in a swift and painful manner, but in reality this really isn't that strange. Given the location, the current state of economic affairs and possibly the impending Apocalypse... I really am not that surprised. Readers beware, holy water, silver bullets and crosses are utterly useless against a level 4 and up Shwambie. This is one I will need to research. In the meantime, try flame.

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